Sunday, December 16, 2012

Chinuch vs. Shalom Bayit

This past Shabbat we had my daughter, son-in-law (SIL) and grandson over. When it came time to prepare the chanukoyot for lighting on Friday, my unmarried daughter and I saw that my SIL had prepared his incorrectly, so my daughter switched things around. When it came time to light, my SIL switched it back the way he had it and lit and then proceeded to tell up for the next 15 minutes that HIS way is correct, our's is wrong and that he had 4 different rabbis tell him his way is the way to do it.

Apparently he did the same thing last year when they spent Shabbat Chanukah with us and slept (and lit chanukiyah) by friends' of ours. And he did the same thing when he was over at my ex-husband's house.

My married daughter, I assume in an effort to keep the peace in her house, simply says that there are different ways to do it. And despite MULTIPLE people (and different people on different occasions) telling my SIL HE is doing it incorrectly, he insists he's doing it the right way and everyone else is wrong.

For the record, the proper way to set up and light a chanukiyah is facing you, start at the extreme right for day one. On day two, you prepare the two candles from extreme right to the left, but light from the left to the right. And you carry that pattern through the 8 days. My SIL does the exact opposite - starts preparing from the extreme left and goes to the right (I didn't see which direction he lights from).

So... where do I go from here? Their son is going to learn the right way and then get 'corrected' by his father... and we're talking fulfilling a Halachic obligation here. It's like putting Tefillin on wrong or hanging a mezzuzah wrong... if the execution isn't right, it's like you've never done it.