In addition to the settler hat and the SCA hat I wear, I also unfortunately wear the hat of the infertile woman.
Some days I deal with it better than others. Some days I can barely cope.
My official diagnosis is PCOS - polycystic ovary syndrome. Because it's a syndrome, it tends to be a series of symptoms which lead to problems of some sort of the ovaries. Each woman is different. Severity differs as well. For me it means that without the help of Metformin(glucophage) I don't get my period. And without the help of hormone therapy, I don't ovulate. Sometimes, if the hormone dosage is too low, I end up with a cyst in my follicle, rather than an egg. So far, thank God, I haven't actually had any burst. The cysts are painful enough. A rupture could mean a trip to the ER.
I have been going for treatments now for 13 months, with a 3 month break from April to July. I've just had my third IUI, and although I'm one week into the 2WW (2 week wait), I think it might have been another failure. The clinic said that the insurance generally requires 4 or 5 IUIs before moving on to IVF.
It's amazing how consuming having a baby can become when it doesn't come naturally. On average, I spend up to 2.5 weeks of every cycle schlepping into Jerusalem twice a week for blood tests and ultrasounds. Every day is at least one injection (I self-inject into my stomach) and by the end of the 2.5 weeks, I'm black and blue. There's the scheduled sex. And now that we're doing IUI, there's the 'collection', which has to be done within the guidlines of Halacha. And the 2WW.
I honestly don't see how couples can do this for years on end... each month gets more and more discouraging...
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Friday, August 18, 2006
The Stages
Originally posted Novemeber 14, 2000
It's gone from occassional rock throwing to daily road closures.
It's gone from throwing rocks at passing cars to sniping at them with automatic weapons.
It's gone from sniping at cars with automatic weapons to standing at the side of the road and firing on passing cars and busses.
It's gone from standing at the side of the road and firing at passing cars and busses to drving alongside a car or bus and opening fire.
It's gone from having your car hit by rocks to having your car hit by bullets.
My neighbor is in the hospital, a victim of Arab terror with 5 bullets removed from his belly.
And this morning I had to tell my children that they wouldn't have gym today because yesterday, along with an 18 and a 19 year old soldier, their gym teacher, a 42 year old mother of 5, were shot and killed in a drive-by.
But somehow, it's all still Israel's fault.
It's weird. They say that most of the victims (and I use this term loosely) have been Palestinians. Mostly between the ages of 16-21 and generally termed "young Palestinan". Of course they'd be the majority. They're rioting. When you see a tank roll up your street and a voice demanding you disperse and go home, there's no heroism in throwing a rock at it.
But the Israeli victims...the majority who are between the ages of 18-25...they aren't classified as "young Israelis". Why not? Because most of them are soldiers. It seems one loses one's humanity in the media when one is a dead soldier.
It's gone from occassional rock throwing to daily road closures.
It's gone from throwing rocks at passing cars to sniping at them with automatic weapons.
It's gone from sniping at cars with automatic weapons to standing at the side of the road and firing on passing cars and busses.
It's gone from standing at the side of the road and firing at passing cars and busses to drving alongside a car or bus and opening fire.
It's gone from having your car hit by rocks to having your car hit by bullets.
My neighbor is in the hospital, a victim of Arab terror with 5 bullets removed from his belly.
And this morning I had to tell my children that they wouldn't have gym today because yesterday, along with an 18 and a 19 year old soldier, their gym teacher, a 42 year old mother of 5, were shot and killed in a drive-by.
But somehow, it's all still Israel's fault.
It's weird. They say that most of the victims (and I use this term loosely) have been Palestinians. Mostly between the ages of 16-21 and generally termed "young Palestinan". Of course they'd be the majority. They're rioting. When you see a tank roll up your street and a voice demanding you disperse and go home, there's no heroism in throwing a rock at it.
But the Israeli victims...the majority who are between the ages of 18-25...they aren't classified as "young Israelis". Why not? Because most of them are soldiers. It seems one loses one's humanity in the media when one is a dead soldier.
Four Alarm Cease-fire
Originally posted November 2, 2000
I left work at 2:45 p.m. I had errands to run and wanted to start heading home as early as possible.
I reached the shopping center and people are clustered around radios, all turned to the news station. I go outside to go to the bank and people are sitting in parked cars, doors open, listening to the radio.
One of two things goes through my head. Either Israel has offically declared war, or something in the fighting has escalated. The notion of peace never even occurs to me.
I hear the news. Two explosions at the shuk in Jerusalem. Oh God, terrorist bombs. Not again.
The first emotion is a kind of selfish relief that I wasn't there. And then an icy wave of worry and fear comes over me and settles in the pit of my stomach. I wasn't there true, but was someone I know there???
Since I wasn't home, I couldn't make any phonecalls, I finish what I need to do and manage to hitchhike home. The road is littered with rocks and stones. They had closed the road for two hours earlier because of shooting and stone-throwing. They reopened it half an hour before the bombs went off.
I get home and there's a message from my father DEMANDING I call my mother where she works. They had heard the news of course.
I then called my aunt. Whatever problems notwithstanding, she IS family. there are certain times when personal headbutting has to be put aside and we have to come together because like it or not, we're all we have here.
We talk, it's nice. We catch up on family news. As we hang up, she says keep in touch. I'd like that. I really would.
But I'm still angry.At all the crap that's going on. It's my feeling that Israel will declare war, or at least really start kicking ass after the elections in the States next week.
None of my family members were at the shuk. I doubt any friends were there either. It's not a pleasant feeling having to make a mental accounting of people you know when you hear news like this.
I left work at 2:45 p.m. I had errands to run and wanted to start heading home as early as possible.
I reached the shopping center and people are clustered around radios, all turned to the news station. I go outside to go to the bank and people are sitting in parked cars, doors open, listening to the radio.
One of two things goes through my head. Either Israel has offically declared war, or something in the fighting has escalated. The notion of peace never even occurs to me.
I hear the news. Two explosions at the shuk in Jerusalem. Oh God, terrorist bombs. Not again.
The first emotion is a kind of selfish relief that I wasn't there. And then an icy wave of worry and fear comes over me and settles in the pit of my stomach. I wasn't there true, but was someone I know there???
Since I wasn't home, I couldn't make any phonecalls, I finish what I need to do and manage to hitchhike home. The road is littered with rocks and stones. They had closed the road for two hours earlier because of shooting and stone-throwing. They reopened it half an hour before the bombs went off.
I get home and there's a message from my father DEMANDING I call my mother where she works. They had heard the news of course.
I then called my aunt. Whatever problems notwithstanding, she IS family. there are certain times when personal headbutting has to be put aside and we have to come together because like it or not, we're all we have here.
We talk, it's nice. We catch up on family news. As we hang up, she says keep in touch. I'd like that. I really would.
But I'm still angry.At all the crap that's going on. It's my feeling that Israel will declare war, or at least really start kicking ass after the elections in the States next week.
None of my family members were at the shuk. I doubt any friends were there either. It's not a pleasant feeling having to make a mental accounting of people you know when you hear news like this.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
Gee Ma, I wanna work for Reuters!
Apparently GHG has had a long career of photo ops during wars...
And the reason he wasn't included in the memorial was because of course... a Zionist plot.
Yeah I know, fooling around on Photoshop when I SHOULD be cooking for Shabbat...
Although this whole thing does lead to an interesting question...
How long will it be before photographs from a digital camera will be inadmissable in court, and PIs and CSIs will have to revert to old fashioned film cameras and submit the negatives as proof that the images weren't altered?
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Tripping themselves up
With the whole Reuters photo scandal, and now another, similar scandal from the New York Times, many people, from paid journalists and politicians to the average Joe Blogger are writing opinions and tracking the photos.
Thanks to so many in the public, editors are having to account for themselves and retract the photos.
I wonder though, have there been any public apologies? The same columnspace that was used to paint Israel as a cold-blooded, indiscriminate killer now used to apologize to Israel and the IDF?
Jules CrittendenThe problem is, I don't believe that's entirely the issue. It's an editor's job to confirm authenticity, but it seems that in the media haste to vilify Israel, they just don't care all that much. Israel, for whatever reason is, and always has been, the bad guy of the Middle East.
Why are these editors failing time and again to verify the photos when rank amateurs are spotting the fakes left and right? And why aren't they being held accountable?
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Two Mornings
Originally posted October 25, 2000
First Morning
Yesterday while being driven in to work, I saw a rainbow.
We had just gotten into the outskirts of Jerusalem and we saw a bit of it. Clouds passed on front of it, making it look like something out of a movie or painting. It didn't look real.
The rainbow followed us as we drove further into the city and then..the clouds moved just so, we arrived at *the* spot and I saw the rainbow...end to end. From one part of Jerusalem to the other. Breathtaking.
God sent the first rainbow to Noah after the flood as a sign of good faith that He would never totally destroy the Earth again. In Judaism, seeing a rainbow is generally coinsidered to be a sign of ill-omen. That God REALLY REALLY wants to destroy the Earth again, but because of His covenant with Noah, He won't. As if we needed another reminder, what with all that's going on here lately.
Second Morning
Winter has come with a vengeance. No easing from Summer heat to cold, wet and windy with a few weeks of what passes here for Autumn.
And so the rain falls...right into my house it seems. The roofs here are red tiles and mine is missing one. And so, it's been raining in my house. And leaking into my bathrooms (my toilet and tub are in seperate rooms). I called the settlement office today. We'll see...
Since getting most of the jungle that was my yard cleared away last month, the ensuing water from the heavens have turned my jungle...into a swamp.
And I no longer have a dog. I have a LARGE mudhen. So she's going to have to stay indoors while I'm gone instead of having the run of the yard on her chain. Which means walking her...
It's 5 a.m., I'm dressed and we're out walking. She's sniffing at everything, but of course the rain has washed away all scents. I'm beggin' her to take a pee. We make a circle of the block and as she's sniffing the hell out of some weeds, my attention is caught by a flash of lightning. No thunder though.
I look up and it feels like I'm straddling three worlds at once.
To the northwest, it's black, the distant lights of Tel Aviv sparkle orange. The sky is different gradations of black and every so often, lightning lights up the distance.
I turn slightly and face south. Less lights. The sky, a clear black, the stars, god, the stars like scattered diamonds on black velvet. The moon...Luna's cheshire cat-like grin of a crescent. The sky is so crisp, you can see the entire white outline of the moon and Luna's 'face' a darker black against the darkness of Earth's shadow.
And finally, face east. The sky there not so black, getting lighter by the minute. Soon it will be tinged pink and the greys, blues, oranges and reds announce that at least for a brief time,the sun WILL shine today.
First Morning
Yesterday while being driven in to work, I saw a rainbow.
We had just gotten into the outskirts of Jerusalem and we saw a bit of it. Clouds passed on front of it, making it look like something out of a movie or painting. It didn't look real.
The rainbow followed us as we drove further into the city and then..the clouds moved just so, we arrived at *the* spot and I saw the rainbow...end to end. From one part of Jerusalem to the other. Breathtaking.
God sent the first rainbow to Noah after the flood as a sign of good faith that He would never totally destroy the Earth again. In Judaism, seeing a rainbow is generally coinsidered to be a sign of ill-omen. That God REALLY REALLY wants to destroy the Earth again, but because of His covenant with Noah, He won't. As if we needed another reminder, what with all that's going on here lately.
Second Morning
Winter has come with a vengeance. No easing from Summer heat to cold, wet and windy with a few weeks of what passes here for Autumn.
And so the rain falls...right into my house it seems. The roofs here are red tiles and mine is missing one. And so, it's been raining in my house. And leaking into my bathrooms (my toilet and tub are in seperate rooms). I called the settlement office today. We'll see...
Since getting most of the jungle that was my yard cleared away last month, the ensuing water from the heavens have turned my jungle...into a swamp.
And I no longer have a dog. I have a LARGE mudhen. So she's going to have to stay indoors while I'm gone instead of having the run of the yard on her chain. Which means walking her...
It's 5 a.m., I'm dressed and we're out walking. She's sniffing at everything, but of course the rain has washed away all scents. I'm beggin' her to take a pee. We make a circle of the block and as she's sniffing the hell out of some weeds, my attention is caught by a flash of lightning. No thunder though.
I look up and it feels like I'm straddling three worlds at once.
To the northwest, it's black, the distant lights of Tel Aviv sparkle orange. The sky is different gradations of black and every so often, lightning lights up the distance.
I turn slightly and face south. Less lights. The sky, a clear black, the stars, god, the stars like scattered diamonds on black velvet. The moon...Luna's cheshire cat-like grin of a crescent. The sky is so crisp, you can see the entire white outline of the moon and Luna's 'face' a darker black against the darkness of Earth's shadow.
And finally, face east. The sky there not so black, getting lighter by the minute. Soon it will be tinged pink and the greys, blues, oranges and reds announce that at least for a brief time,the sun WILL shine today.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Werewolf feelings
Originally posted October 17, 2000
I'm not really a werewolf, but I play one online. And boy, there are times in life I'd SO like to be able to...
I caught a schoolbus back to the settlement today from Jerusalem. It was full of kids and their parents, apparently the settlement had planned some sort of trip and just as I got to the the hitchhiking station, the bus pulled up. It was packed, but I got on and went to the back of the bus and sat on the top step of the rear stairs. The door was covered with a carpet-covered steel plate. How reassuring.
The door was just in front of the very last seat and sitting there were two VERY annoying boys. I'd guess their ages to be 8 and 10. They kicked me, they threw things and when I told them to stop, they said they were aiming for the garbage pail just in front of me. I could see one had his shoelasce untied and I wanted to knot his shoe to the metal rail. But I wanted to do it secretly and he was moving around too much. I asked them to stop countless times. I gave them LOOKS and nothing worked. But hey, the ride was free.
Then one of them asked me if I was a student at the all-girls school on the settlement. I said no, I was Daughter1 and Daughter2's mother. Well...that changed everything. Once we got my bona fides straightened out, they gave me respect. Now they knew I was a Parent and not just some Older Sibling-type. The abuse stopped. Of course this was half an hour into the ride and we only had about 15 more minutes left.
But for that half hour...I so wanted to get into their face and growl just low enough for them to hear and shift my facial features enough so they would KNOW what I was but no one else would see. And for the rest of the trip, they'd sit like good little boys because they were too scared of me to move and they were too embarrassed because they'd wet their pants.
I am a Werewolf, boys and I know ways to make you HOWL.
And then...something happens...that makes being kicked at for 30 minutes seem so damn trivial.
We were 15 minutes away from home when there's this loud bang. The bus had been hit by a stone. We saw the Arabs running for cover, since they never know for sure when someone is armed on a schoolbus and will open fire on them. No one was hurt. And when I looked at the side of the bus, there were too many possible dents already there to figure out exactly which spot was hit.
The kids on the bus for the most part were...incredibly blasZ about it, one of my two tormentors even exclaimed "We've been hit? Yeah! Cool!" Some of the parents said that once we got back to the settlement they should get a group together and head to the road and throw stones at Arab cars.
Of course, last week some settlers did that, an Arab driver was hit, lost control of his car and ran into and killed one of the settlers (that was a Darwin Award winner, btw). At least one settler was arrested and the driver, last I heard was in critcal condition at a hospital because the car struck a barrier and flipped.
Anyway, after getting hit, the glee was taken out of wanting to terrorize a couple of little boys. Dammit.
I'm not really a werewolf, but I play one online. And boy, there are times in life I'd SO like to be able to...
I caught a schoolbus back to the settlement today from Jerusalem. It was full of kids and their parents, apparently the settlement had planned some sort of trip and just as I got to the the hitchhiking station, the bus pulled up. It was packed, but I got on and went to the back of the bus and sat on the top step of the rear stairs. The door was covered with a carpet-covered steel plate. How reassuring.
The door was just in front of the very last seat and sitting there were two VERY annoying boys. I'd guess their ages to be 8 and 10. They kicked me, they threw things and when I told them to stop, they said they were aiming for the garbage pail just in front of me. I could see one had his shoelasce untied and I wanted to knot his shoe to the metal rail. But I wanted to do it secretly and he was moving around too much. I asked them to stop countless times. I gave them LOOKS and nothing worked. But hey, the ride was free.
Then one of them asked me if I was a student at the all-girls school on the settlement. I said no, I was Daughter1 and Daughter2's mother. Well...that changed everything. Once we got my bona fides straightened out, they gave me respect. Now they knew I was a Parent and not just some Older Sibling-type. The abuse stopped. Of course this was half an hour into the ride and we only had about 15 more minutes left.
But for that half hour...I so wanted to get into their face and growl just low enough for them to hear and shift my facial features enough so they would KNOW what I was but no one else would see. And for the rest of the trip, they'd sit like good little boys because they were too scared of me to move and they were too embarrassed because they'd wet their pants.
I am a Werewolf, boys and I know ways to make you HOWL.
And then...something happens...that makes being kicked at for 30 minutes seem so damn trivial.
We were 15 minutes away from home when there's this loud bang. The bus had been hit by a stone. We saw the Arabs running for cover, since they never know for sure when someone is armed on a schoolbus and will open fire on them. No one was hurt. And when I looked at the side of the bus, there were too many possible dents already there to figure out exactly which spot was hit.
The kids on the bus for the most part were...incredibly blasZ about it, one of my two tormentors even exclaimed "We've been hit? Yeah! Cool!" Some of the parents said that once we got back to the settlement they should get a group together and head to the road and throw stones at Arab cars.
Of course, last week some settlers did that, an Arab driver was hit, lost control of his car and ran into and killed one of the settlers (that was a Darwin Award winner, btw). At least one settler was arrested and the driver, last I heard was in critcal condition at a hospital because the car struck a barrier and flipped.
Anyway, after getting hit, the glee was taken out of wanting to terrorize a couple of little boys. Dammit.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
It must be nice in Olmertland...
| Article from Arutz7 in English. In a move that sparked anger and sharp criticism, Prime Minister Ehud Olmert on Wednesday announced his intentions to advance his realignment plan. |
The plan in essence is another disengagement, the planned destruction of most of the remaining Jewish communities located throughout Judea and Samaria.
In an interview with the Associated Press, speaking in English, Prime Minister Olmert explained he plans to move ahead with his plan; a plan that he insists will create stability in the region by defining new borders. Such a move he explained will be testimony to the defeat of terrorism, and create the atmosphere required to permit Israel to disengage from the Palestinian Authority (PA).
Oh yeah... because Gaza has worked SO well thus far.
Olmert insisted that the war with Hizbullah has nothing to do with his plan, stating his planned ‘realignment’ must move forward as he promised it would prior to being elected.
The plan calls for dismantling most of the communities throughout Judea and Samaria, to be replaced by a number of settlement blocs.
Read: ghettos... of Jews.... in Israel.
Olmert admits “it will not be easy,” adding he was elected as prime minister to act, not to sit idle. He added the implementation of the plan is also essential “towards assisting the Palestinians to achieve their aspirations for a state” living side-by-side with Israel.
Among the critics of Olmert’s plan is MK Dr. Yossi Beilin, who heads the left-wing Meretz-Yahad opposition party. Beilin stated there can be no additional unilateral Israeli policies, only withdrawals resulting from negotiations and agreements. His remarks were echoed by Arab MK Mohammad Barakeh.
So let me get this right... because Olmert is doing this without a million meetings and treaties, the left AND the Arabs are pissed. And Olmert expects it to WORK????
Likud MK Gidon Sa’ar stated that the so-called realignment plan would bring the rockets to the entire country, and not the just the north and south as is the case today.
YA THINK? It amazes me how so many people in the country have no idea that the Green Line is only minutes away from so many of them. They live in the incorrect safe assumption that The West Bank is far removed from them when in fact, if it weren't for the settlements acting as a buffer zone, the Arabs would be screaming for Tel Aviv, Netanya and the other cities.
MK (Labor) Dr. Ephraim Sneh, a former deputy defense minister, stated that it is obvious from the prime minister’s remarks that he has learned nothing from the unilateral withdrawals from Gaza and southern Lebanon.
Well that's because it's so nice in Olmertland....
The prime minister currently enjoys widespread support for his ongoing effort to destroy Hizbullah. Some critics are accusing the prime minister of taking advantage of his popularity to advance his political agenda, explaining he has made an error since he is splitting the nation at this critical time.
No... REALLY?
MK Effie Eitam (Religious Zionist Renewal Party, Hit’chabrut), a retired IDF brigadier-general and former commander of forces in southern Lebanon, has been advising the prime minister and Defense Minister Amir Peretz frequently since the war broke out over three weeks ago. Eitam was quick to comment on Olmert’s AP interview at this time, stating he made a tactical error, splitting the nation at this critical time. Quoted by ynet, Eitam stated that the prime minister understood he made a mistake that harmed national unity.
More like... "well, the cat's out of the bag... how can we spin this? Oh yeah, get a RELIGIOUS guy as our spokesman on this!"
Eitam told the media that following the prime minister’s interview, he was contacted by many rabbis, deans of IDF preparatory yeshiva programs, all expressing concerns regarding the timing of the prime minister’s remarks as the nation is in a state of war.
Concern?? There should be outrage and demonstrations regarding this.
Realizing Eitam was the unofficial liaison to the Orthodox community that supports Olmert during the ongoing Hizbullah war, the Prime Minister’s Office was quick contact him, seeking to implement damage control. Aides to the prime minister quickly issued a clarification, stating the realignment was not intended to have been the main focus of the AP interview.
Asking Eitam to convey a message to the Torah-observant public, the prime minister announced that at present, he is only dealing with efforts to halt rocket attacks, nothing else.
coughbullshitcough He got caught with a good dose of verbal diarrhea.
The prime minister’s interview broke the current momentum, with rabbis and other right-wing community leaders calling to reevaluate the war in the north, explaining it is unconscionable that soldiers living in Judea and Samaria fight for the country and then be evicted from their homes by the same army.
Funny... little mention was made of soldiers having to evict their own families from Gush Katif....
Eitam was called upon by Olmert to act as a go-between, seeking to allay fears and repair the damage resulting from his interview.
Eitam told the media that following a conversation with the prime minister, it is clear to him that the realignment/expulsion would not be dealt with at present. Eitam admits that the plan will be problematic at some time in the future, after the war, but for now, the nation must remain united behind the government while efforts continue to eliminate the Hizbullah threat.
Ah, he's donned the rosey glasses and whored himself out for politics at the expense of Halacha (Jewish Law).
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
On the one hand.. and on the other...
I can't read the news without tripping over articles about people flying in from all over the world to volunteer somewhere up north. There is a daily blurb in the Jerusalem Post of contact info from people willing to put up evacuees.
Money. Supplies. Support.
All for the poor people in the north of Israel who suddenly find themselves on the front line.
Well, not so suddenly... HOW long did the first war with Lebanon last? The relative quiet on the border is only six year old, so people who moved there, who have been living there for years, should have had a clue that perhaps they would, at one time or another be shelled.
Where was all the support for the Gush Katif refugees? Where is the money for the familes, who a year later are still out of work and are still paying mortgages on houses that don't exist any more??
What's changed in the past year that people are so willing to rush to the north, open their houses, their checkbooks to strangers... who will, after all is said and done, will have a home to return to?
My own Yishuv is just as guilty. We have a boarding school here and it remained empty after the Gush Katif expulsion. Yet three days after the north started getting shelled, 50 people from the north moved in and there have been children's activities during the day and all sorts of other things going on.
So... for those who want to know what they can do to support Israel?
The evacuees from the north are well taken care of.
The refugees from Gush Katif however, still need your help.
Money. Supplies. Support.
All for the poor people in the north of Israel who suddenly find themselves on the front line.
Well, not so suddenly... HOW long did the first war with Lebanon last? The relative quiet on the border is only six year old, so people who moved there, who have been living there for years, should have had a clue that perhaps they would, at one time or another be shelled.
Where was all the support for the Gush Katif refugees? Where is the money for the familes, who a year later are still out of work and are still paying mortgages on houses that don't exist any more??
What's changed in the past year that people are so willing to rush to the north, open their houses, their checkbooks to strangers... who will, after all is said and done, will have a home to return to?
My own Yishuv is just as guilty. We have a boarding school here and it remained empty after the Gush Katif expulsion. Yet three days after the north started getting shelled, 50 people from the north moved in and there have been children's activities during the day and all sorts of other things going on.
So... for those who want to know what they can do to support Israel?
The evacuees from the north are well taken care of.
The refugees from Gush Katif however, still need your help.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Lamentations
In the third chapter of Eicha, or Lamentaions, Yirmiyahu turns his cries from a "how and why are You doing this to the land" to "how and why are You doing this to me?" The first half of the chapter, he despairs that God has turned from him. Not only that, but God has turned His back on Yirmiyahu, He doesn't WANT to hear Yirmiyahu's pleas.
And then, in the second half of the chapter, Yirmiyahu does a complete about-face and says that only his belief in Hashem can lift him from the severe depression. Regardless of whether Hashem wants to hear it, Yirmiyahu will continue to pray, and continue to believe.
I've been living in Israel now for 9 years. In that time, I divorced my husband of 9 years. I was a single mother for 5 years. During that time I lost my job and for the past 6 years have been trying to deal with the fact that I am surrounded by people who would sooner shoot me than learn to live as my neighbor.
With all that going on in my life, there were plenty of times when I was at the bottom. I despaired of ever being able to have ONE month where I could pay all my bills, buy groceries and give the girls their allowance. I wasn't even praying to have something to carry on into the next month. There were times when I was thisclose to selling everything I owned, give up the joint custody of my daughters and move back to the US. I would be in tears, crying into my pillow, praying to God to help me.
And every time I got to that point, something happened. A freelance job would give my bank account a boost. The tzedakah organization on the Yishuv would drop two cases of assorted groceries on my doorstep. I met my second husband. And the important thing is... I recognized from whence it came.
There's really nothing I can do about the political situation though. The Intifada that started up again and now the war again in Lebanon.
There are those who have said that the first and second Intifada was brought by God when the people of Israel would start turning on one another. He would bring around a common enemy and the Jews would join together. Unfortunately for us, the Achdut (solidarity) never lasts long.
As for the war... there's another issue at stake. It's a need to return, or maybe turn, to God. Anyone who reads the TaNaCH (5 Books of Moses, the Prophets and the 'Writings') and believes in it can clearly learn that there is a direct correlation between the Land of Israel, the People of Israel and the Word of God. One follows the Word of God, one cares for the Land of Israel and God will take care of the People. Don't follow the Word of God, or don't care for the Land of Israel and God will punish the people.
So God has brought this war as a lesson to His people. And what is that lesson? Well. It's different for everyone. And it's up to each person to discover what it is. And it happens in baby steps.
We have a number of Chiloni (secular) friends living in Tel Aviv. Two of them have been living inIsrael all their lives and have never gone over the Green Line. In the last month, one has come to our house twice and another once. Another Chiloni person whose blog I read (and he reads mine) read in my blog last week that a Tehillim rally was scheduled in Jerusalem. He got himself a Tehillim and went. And has been saying Tehillim every day ever since.
I'm not a religious nut, I don't consider myself particularly learned. I don't spend my days reading about Bible codes and The Matrix in every TV show I watch. I wasn't even particularly spiritual when I first made Aliyah.
But I can't live where I live and not see the miracles. I can't see what I've seen without seeing the Hand of God in it all.
And then, in the second half of the chapter, Yirmiyahu does a complete about-face and says that only his belief in Hashem can lift him from the severe depression. Regardless of whether Hashem wants to hear it, Yirmiyahu will continue to pray, and continue to believe.
I've been living in Israel now for 9 years. In that time, I divorced my husband of 9 years. I was a single mother for 5 years. During that time I lost my job and for the past 6 years have been trying to deal with the fact that I am surrounded by people who would sooner shoot me than learn to live as my neighbor.
With all that going on in my life, there were plenty of times when I was at the bottom. I despaired of ever being able to have ONE month where I could pay all my bills, buy groceries and give the girls their allowance. I wasn't even praying to have something to carry on into the next month. There were times when I was thisclose to selling everything I owned, give up the joint custody of my daughters and move back to the US. I would be in tears, crying into my pillow, praying to God to help me.
And every time I got to that point, something happened. A freelance job would give my bank account a boost. The tzedakah organization on the Yishuv would drop two cases of assorted groceries on my doorstep. I met my second husband. And the important thing is... I recognized from whence it came.
There's really nothing I can do about the political situation though. The Intifada that started up again and now the war again in Lebanon.
There are those who have said that the first and second Intifada was brought by God when the people of Israel would start turning on one another. He would bring around a common enemy and the Jews would join together. Unfortunately for us, the Achdut (solidarity) never lasts long.
As for the war... there's another issue at stake. It's a need to return, or maybe turn, to God. Anyone who reads the TaNaCH (5 Books of Moses, the Prophets and the 'Writings') and believes in it can clearly learn that there is a direct correlation between the Land of Israel, the People of Israel and the Word of God. One follows the Word of God, one cares for the Land of Israel and God will take care of the People. Don't follow the Word of God, or don't care for the Land of Israel and God will punish the people.
So God has brought this war as a lesson to His people. And what is that lesson? Well. It's different for everyone. And it's up to each person to discover what it is. And it happens in baby steps.
We have a number of Chiloni (secular) friends living in Tel Aviv. Two of them have been living inIsrael all their lives and have never gone over the Green Line. In the last month, one has come to our house twice and another once. Another Chiloni person whose blog I read (and he reads mine) read in my blog last week that a Tehillim rally was scheduled in Jerusalem. He got himself a Tehillim and went. And has been saying Tehillim every day ever since.
I'm not a religious nut, I don't consider myself particularly learned. I don't spend my days reading about Bible codes and The Matrix in every TV show I watch. I wasn't even particularly spiritual when I first made Aliyah.
But I can't live where I live and not see the miracles. I can't see what I've seen without seeing the Hand of God in it all.
Keeping Busy
Our Yishuv has an Ulpana (girl's high school, traditionally a boarding school) which of course is closed for the summer. Last week families from the north came and moved in.
D1 and D2 are helping with planned activities for the kids that have arrived. Which I'm glad. It gets them out of the house for a while.
Our e-tickets have just been emailed to me, so we're all set for our NY trip on Sukkot. We're really looking forward to it and I think by then, we'll really need it. This will be the first time back for the girls in 2 years and they'll get to meet their only female cousin for the first time.
D1 and D2 are helping with planned activities for the kids that have arrived. Which I'm glad. It gets them out of the house for a while.
Our e-tickets have just been emailed to me, so we're all set for our NY trip on Sukkot. We're really looking forward to it and I think by then, we'll really need it. This will be the first time back for the girls in 2 years and they'll get to meet their only female cousin for the first time.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
You know you're in Israel when...
You return to your Yishuv (settlement) at 11:30 at night and the guard on duty is the community's Rav with an M16.
Other Pursuits
Just so you don't think my entire life centers around my hatred for those who wish to destroy me and my family and my homeland, a brief interlude.
My husband and I are the cofounders of the Israeli group that participates in the
My husband and I are the cofounders of the Israeli group that participates in the
Society for Creative Anachronism. Our Shire is Maale Giborim and we will be celebrating our third anniversary in November (Thanksgiving actually). We are part of the Kingdom of Drachenwald which if you don't want to head over to their site, encompasses Europe, the Middle East and South Africa. Our group here in Israel has a regular, active core group of about 15 people, and our biggest event had 30 people. It was our second birthday event, which was held in a Crusader-era hall in the Muslim Quarter of the Old City in Jerusalem.
I think our motto should be "Our event location kicks your event location's ass!"
Ok, maybe not.
We have semi-regular activities, which include fencing and crafts night. We hope to add archery soonish.
Lest you think that Orthodox Jews participating in something like this could only happen in Israel, think again. The Seneschal (I suppose head would define that) of the newly revived Shire in Brooklyn is an Orthodox Jew. Nice guy. We've met him and went to a Sunday event he and his Shire put together in May. The guy in charge of archery (called a Yeoman) for the Barony of Carolingia (a HUGE group in Boston) is a very nice 18 year old frum guy.
I know, because I met him 2 years ago. And his parents. At war. No, really. Pennsic War. Near Pittsburgh. My husband and I were honeymooning there. With my kids. And 12,000 other people. For 10 days.
We camped with a group that was mostly from the DC area. Most of the folks were either unaffiliated religiously. A few were pagans. And then us Jews. Seven of us from Israel and a family of three from DC. We had an Eruv around the camp, we explained to them about food, we asked for their assistance to make sure the port-o-potties had tissues in them over Shabbat after they were cleaned. It was really nice. And last year a large group of Jews camped together. Called themselves 'Clan MacIvri'. We hope to go again next year.
This year, we will actually have a representative at Pennsic who will participate in part of the actual battle. One of our memebers is learning in NY and recently qualified for fighting so she will wear our colors. So Vivat and best of luck to "Zenigata Toshiko"!
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
How do you cope?
Thank God, so far, the war hasn't touched me. I don't have any relatives in the IDF, and as far as I know, none of my friends have had to report for duty. Some of my neighbors have been called up, but for the most part, they're older men, in reserve and they're filling in for the younger soldiers who have been moved to the front.
I'd like it to stay that way, thank you very much.
Last week, I signed up with a couple placement agencies, offering to allow evacuees live with us. Earlier today I received a phonecall from one of the organizations and they said they'll be back in touch.
According to the Jerusalem Post, estimates have this war going on for another 10 days or so, because that's when Hizballah runs out of munitions. So far, they've only been lobbing the shorter range Kaytushas. From the maps that I've seen, we seem to be on the far limit of what their long range missiles can get to. Yes, we're about due east of Tel Aviv. But we're a much more insignificant target. I WOULD say that also being surrounded by Arab villages offers some protection, but I've read about some of the misfires from Lebanon.
And that gets us to my point. How do I cope? I just don't read the news all that often. I head over to
I'd like it to stay that way, thank you very much.
Last week, I signed up with a couple placement agencies, offering to allow evacuees live with us. Earlier today I received a phonecall from one of the organizations and they said they'll be back in touch.
According to the Jerusalem Post, estimates have this war going on for another 10 days or so, because that's when Hizballah runs out of munitions. So far, they've only been lobbing the shorter range Kaytushas. From the maps that I've seen, we seem to be on the far limit of what their long range missiles can get to. Yes, we're about due east of Tel Aviv. But we're a much more insignificant target. I WOULD say that also being surrounded by Arab villages offers some protection, but I've read about some of the misfires from Lebanon.
And that gets us to my point. How do I cope? I just don't read the news all that often. I head over to
the Jerusalem Post and Arutz7 once, maybe twice a day. I figure if something major was happening, someone would let me know.
I've been living in Israel now for 9 years. For at least 6 of those, I've been surrounded by the escalated violence of the second Intifada. I missed Gulf War Part I, but I've been here for the sequel. Both my children and I have gas masks and yes, we know where they are (although they're going to have to be renewed soon). So Lebanon Part Deux is not a new experience for me. That's not to say it doesn't terrify me.
We call my MIL basically every day, or she calls us (isn't VoIP great?). She of course wants us to move back. And she lets us know it. That's not to say my parents don't want us safe... it's just that they've had 6 years longer to deal with the fact that their child has chosen to live in Eretz Yisrael and right now it happens to be a bit more... well... tense.
I spoke to my MIL yesterday via IM. She jokingly said that she's going to send a professional team here to kidnap us back to the US.
At least I think she was joking. Children
First posted: August 21, 2000
I wonder what my kids will think when I get a gun.
Their father already has one and he's always had BB handguns and rifles.
I live in a country were a handgun is common for a male civilian or 'regular' law enforcement officer, and automatic weapons are a usual accessory for the soldiers and Border Guards.
I've noticed though, that civilian women don't carry guns. Or maybe they only carry them in their backpacks/pocketbooks.
I may go the shoulder-holster route. I don't always wear something with a waistband (dress or jumber) and some of my skirts are elastic waistbands.
You can't imagine how gratefull I am that the kids I have thus far are girls. It must be horrible for a parent to look at their son and know that when he turns 18, he has to join the army. Girls have an easier time of getting out of manditory service. Of course, I'm sure my ex's parents would just love for them to get married the day after high school graduation...
I don't kow what road my girls will take and it's something that we'll have to discuss when the time comes...
I wonder what my kids will think when I get a gun.
Their father already has one and he's always had BB handguns and rifles.
I live in a country were a handgun is common for a male civilian or 'regular' law enforcement officer, and automatic weapons are a usual accessory for the soldiers and Border Guards.
I've noticed though, that civilian women don't carry guns. Or maybe they only carry them in their backpacks/pocketbooks.
I may go the shoulder-holster route. I don't always wear something with a waistband (dress or jumber) and some of my skirts are elastic waistbands.
You can't imagine how gratefull I am that the kids I have thus far are girls. It must be horrible for a parent to look at their son and know that when he turns 18, he has to join the army. Girls have an easier time of getting out of manditory service. Of course, I'm sure my ex's parents would just love for them to get married the day after high school graduation...
I don't kow what road my girls will take and it's something that we'll have to discuss when the time comes...
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Horde of Horrible Homos!
So... last year, World Pride in Jerusalem was postponed to this year due to the fact that the police were busy directing the Army in emptying Gaza of Jews.
I wonder if this latest escalation will postpone it again and World Pride organizers will just make that a Jerusalem on hold indefinitely and go elsewhere next year. What with all the outcry about the parade and other events happening in Jerusalem.
I also wonder how long it's going to take the ultra-Orthodox to blame the war in Lebanon Part Deux on the fact that people are ready to blaspheme the holy city of Jerusalem with a horde of horrible homos.
Oooh... I like that alliteration.... and the picture in my mind... Lotsa leather... flash of cleavage...
Uh... so yeah.
I wonder if this latest escalation will postpone it again and World Pride organizers will just make that a Jerusalem on hold indefinitely and go elsewhere next year. What with all the outcry about the parade and other events happening in Jerusalem.
I also wonder how long it's going to take the ultra-Orthodox to blame the war in Lebanon Part Deux on the fact that people are ready to blaspheme the holy city of Jerusalem with a horde of horrible homos.
Oooh... I like that alliteration.... and the picture in my mind... Lotsa leather... flash of cleavage...
Uh... so yeah.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Enough Is Enough
I'm suddenly feeling very out of sorts right now.
The news is not good... We're thisclose to war with Lebanon again. And Gaza is just a powderkeg waiting for a match.
On the one hand, I want the IDF to go into Gaza and just level the damn place like they should have done as soon as they kicked all the Jews out. And go into Lebanon and do... SOMETHING.
On the other hand...
No. There is no other hand. The problem has to be taken care of once and for all and there is only one solution. The reports of a female suicide boming brigades, multiple kidnapings, the ceaseless rain of Kassams...
ENOUGH WITH THE SITTING AROUND WITH OUR THUMBS UP OUR ASS.
DO SOMETHING ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The news is not good... We're thisclose to war with Lebanon again. And Gaza is just a powderkeg waiting for a match.
On the one hand, I want the IDF to go into Gaza and just level the damn place like they should have done as soon as they kicked all the Jews out. And go into Lebanon and do... SOMETHING.
On the other hand...
No. There is no other hand. The problem has to be taken care of once and for all and there is only one solution. The reports of a female suicide boming brigades, multiple kidnapings, the ceaseless rain of Kassams...
ENOUGH WITH THE SITTING AROUND WITH OUR THUMBS UP OUR ASS.
DO SOMETHING ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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