Sunday, May 09, 2010

Coming to terms...

I'm pushing 40.

There, I said it. b'Ezrat Hashem I'll be 39 at the end of the year. My oldest will be 19 in August and has a somewhat serious boyfriend. She's in 12th grade but will be doing a certified daycare course through the high school next year in addition to taking 2 Bagruyot (Israeli matriculation exams).

Then there's the 18-in-August year old daughter who has decided to go to the Army when she graduates next year. Next week, we're making an Upsherin, b'Ezrat Hashem and the 14 month old keeps me busy by needing PT, having eating issues and 'failure to thrive'.

If I weren't so chronically exhausted, I'd say I don't FEEL like I'm almost 40... I 'feel' like a... oh, 32 year old :)

Hubby and I have basically decided we're done having kids and the next 'babies' will be grand...

So I'm trying to come to terms with that on well, two levels.

The first is from an 'end to my fertility' perspective. I had a bout of IF after being diagnosed with PCOS soon after I married hubby. Our Upsherin celebrant was the happy result of a year of treatments... and then a surprise spontaneous pregnancy. So I had the roller coaster of being fertile, then IF then back to fertile and now... well who knows. But we're basically done... although I don't show any signs of being anywhere near perimenopausal.

And then there's the fact that my 19 year old is dating... and all that entails.

So (and this is mostly for the ladies)... how do/did you deal with 'having your last' (and KNOWING it would be your last) and having your first child enter the dating scene (and all it eventually entails)?


Batya said...

Pesky, just enjoy, day by day and continue thanking G-d. Maybe you need to reconnect at Tel Shiloh on Rosh Chodesh and think of yourself a bit.

Risa said...

2 things:
40 is young!
It is a wonderful age. You have come far enough to have the benefit of (quite a bit it seems) life experience and yet you have plenty of time to grow, change and make things happen.
although I don't show any signs of being anywhere near perimenopausal I didn't either, one day you just are and that's that. It just creeps up on you. It doesn't have to be unpleasant.